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 Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert 
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Post Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert
Inspired by YouTube user comments, which entertain & make me laugh so much, I figured we could make a funny thread... The legend grows! Post your favorite quips, or Tall Tales, that you have seen or made up about Paul. Ths is supposed to be a non-serious thread. It is for laughter! Here are some of the funniest I have found (each credited to it's owner)...

Ambition:

"lungduck: when i die, i want to be reincarnated as paul gilberts reincarnation's guitar."

Men offering their manhood (to play as well as Paul):

"soraomnislash5: I would cut off my balls just to get his pinkies!!"

Men offering their s/o (to play as well as Paul):

"MarkThomasMusic: i dunno about my left nut... fo sure my girlfriend"

Pinky Talk. More on manhood: In British slang, pinkie means, eh... so every time I see guys talking about that, makes me LOL...

"owned1997: OMG... Put a cover over the magic pinky!!!! I don't want a supernova! Keep Chuck Norris away!"

"zooby11isbambam: i think most people would give their left testicle to have his left pinky." (90 thumbs-up votes)

"Blexican2007: That pinky finger has a life of its own"

"wizorz: Rumors are flying around that his pinky is still growing"

"TheOfficialComokanu: Even those space-age steel strings can't survive Paul's lighting pinky."

Hands Talk:

"Jwxx304: Paul Gilbert has perfected the art of having two headless bodies."

"weirdalyankosin: oh my god HE'S GOT THREE HANDS...!" (Get Out Of My Yard)

Tall Tales:

"maple1659: YUP hes an alien"

"wintershadows: Paul Gilbert has two brains, giving him the ability to do whatever he wants simultaneously."

"CURR1D: When Paul Gilbert was Born, God mysteriously lost his hands."

"CM2K2012: yeah! damn. i think god is angry and wants his hands back so he's making paul gilbert mess up."

"darkquantum13: chuck norris on guitar!!!!"

"DaEngrishNinja: Paul Gilbert once challenged Lucifer in a guitar battle. Unfortunately, Mr. Gilbert forgot to take his tranquilizers, so he set the whole place on fire with his sheer amount of awesomeness. Lucifer then shit himself. That is the origin of hell."

"biotoxin21: This lick will be used in the future when there are too many guitarists in the world. If you play guitar or want to, you will be sat down in front of this video. After seeing it you will 99.9% quit playing guitar. This will also be used to generate more bassists and drummers in an emergency musical situation." (Get Out Of My Yard)

"owned1997: Paul Gilbert's pinky is Chuck Norris, or his twin... Either way."

"underver: Nothing can move more faster than his fingers."

"CeNaTyLeR: At 3:12 you can actually see his hand grow twice the size of a normal mans. He must have got a power-up!" (Technical Difficulties)

"evilcookie1337: 338 people lost their left hand trying to play this song." (Technical Difficulties)

"leon787: I'd like to know what the heck that guitar is made of, since it resisted an entire song of Paul's awesomeness. Must be blessed wood covered in carbon fiber and painted with Chuck Norris's blood donations." (about Paul's guitar)

"nfarnham2008: Yeah, I think so, but I think it was laminated in orphan's tears, and sold as a package deal with voldemorts wand." (about Paul's guitar)

"holycow512: I'm just going to blame his pinky for why I can't play that well. Problem solved."

"provindentiae: (edited) "wen he was born he was playing a solo on his ambilical cord cause hes that epicly awesome"

OK, your turns... Let's see/hear some legends! :)

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Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:35 pm
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Post Re: Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert
"earthman202 His pinky looks like a fish on land when he plays that lick."


under that video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZURmRPQPjA

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Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:30 pm
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Post Re: Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert
Oh man! I was in so much pain today (migraine) that as soon as I could sit upright again, after like 10 hours, I went to the computer for some laughs to cheer up. It worked. As usual, I hit YouTube. It's among the pages/sites I find hilarious. It delivered some more Tall Tales for Paul: The Legend.

menegakis: when he grabs a guitar he connects to the guitartrix.... he is the one... in the guitartrix he can do things that noone else can do... he is so fast that we can understand what he is playing only in slow motion...
(*I gather the guitartrix is like The Matrix, which you can see Paul in, as the center image on the Fuzz Universe booklet, so this legend has some cred behind it!)

kokorokaranoboku: He, with strings, can make everything possible.......

qwaz13: Nowhere not even mastercard can get you these skills :/

NiTrOfuZiOn: he can even make traffic move backwards at will. (Down To Mexico "official video")

LexViciouz: warning: this video wasnt filmed in front a green screen, paul gilbert is so awesome that his guitar can fly through time and space. (Down To Mexico "official video")

+
just for the lolz ... lugnaz987: I give this a large pinky up

I have seen some other great ones, on Paul's MySpace page occasionally, but usually on Twitter. (one of them was like... "Paul Gilbert is the Da Vinci of electric guitar" - I loved that one) I'll have to see if I retweeted any of them - it's the only way I have of keeping track.

Please add your tales!

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Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:07 am
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Post Re: Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert
I am not the author of this one:
"Once upon a time, during the Jurassic period, a meteor had struck the earth, and a baby with the name "Paul Gilbert" crawled out, years later he discovered the guitar and taught himself to play.

He then set out to play the greatest solo of all time, it was so awesome, that is killed all of the dinosaurs from how fucking god-like it was because they were too stupid to comprehend such audio."

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Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:18 pm
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is evil...Evil Joe
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Post Re: Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert
_NowakP wrote:
"earthman202 His pinky looks like a fish on land when he plays that lick."


under that video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZURmRPQPjA


HAHA


Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:26 am
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Post Re: Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert
LOL. Good finds!
Keep 'em rolling in, guys, these are awesome.
Here are some more, all credited to their authors, from YouTube.

On Religion:

maciekg16kutno: "We should pray to Paul Gilbert photos. He looks like God, but holding a guitar :D

pepectm: "Acordding to God, is a new sin to attempt to be better than Paul. And i say attempt, because you just CAN'T."

FizzOfInsanity: "People sell their souls to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Paul."

bobbyalligator7: "... this man ... I bet if He turned around, He would have wings coming out of His back."

As The Destroyer / Chuck Norris:

thediem667: "he actually he did miss one note once... afterwards the dinosaurs dissapeared."

ermonski:
"When Paul Gilbert uses effect pedals, he doesn't stomp on them - the pedals turn on right away on his command.
Paul Gilbert can kill two notes with one pick.
On his birthday, Paul Gilbert chooses one lucky guitar player to be thrown into the sun.
Paul Gilbert shreds so fast it blew off Joe Satriani's hair off."

slashhare: "gilbert just destroys everyone in his path."

myqualker: "Paul Gilbert is the Chuck Norris of guitar!"

tista93: "Paul Gilberts Pinky is the only thing that chuck norris is afraid of... cause its the only think that can kill chuck :-O "

42pvan: "Chuck Norris challenged Paul Gilbert to a no-holds barred fight to the death--Paul Gilbert played his guitar so loud and so fast that Chuck Norris vomited up his testicles and then spontaneously burst into flames."

The Speed Demon:

neurocosm: "That rocked. He makes instant coffee go back in time."

Englishbobwv: "Paul Gilbert plays so fast if he is not careful, he ends up in the future."

KungPow121: "if paul had a flux capacitor, he'd be in 1988 by now."

Staunch Individualist:

ArunasMe: "One man orchestra."

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Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:19 am
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Post Re: Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert
pokecheater9000: Gilbert could fingerfuck a girl into oblivion.


Sun Oct 24, 2010 10:50 pm
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Post Re: Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert
New legends have been birthed on YouTube! Here are 3 -

---

A hypothesis of what the kanji on his 'Kikusui' Fireman axe are (the person genuinely didn't know):

Nasosdag : "Probably ancient japanese-looking characters spelling out an incantation so powerful, that to utter it would mean that faces would melt, seas would evaporate and the only standing person would be Paul Gilbert. And he would re-build the world with his guitar."

A hypothesis on what Paul might do if he had too much sake:

funnyguy1321 : "I Wonder if paul ever gets wasted and how he acts drunk. Maybe he plays jazz?"

And a theory about how Paul plays insane string-ripping guitar *all the time*:

thebeerkup : "i hope you all know that he probably plays like this when hes just chilling with his sweatpants on in the studio"

---

With a full tour starting in a couple days, I hope to see more Tall Tales posted as time goes on!

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Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:07 am
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Post Re: Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert
I found this on Youtube, on an acoustic cover of Mr Big´s Shine (with the great Kotzen):


kmisi1: i dreamt that i was talking to paul gilbert and he said "besides me, the greatest guitarists on earth are richie kotzen and steve vai.

but i don't even like steve vai! :D

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Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:47 pm
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Post Re: Tall Tales & Pinky Talk: The Legend of Paul Gilbert
Three more legends born (found on YouTube) --

Rofltmb : If Paul Gilbert were to mystically become more skilled at guitar, the aliens would give him his own planet.

megatroll : I love this guy... He's like some insane guitar god who throws lightning bolts at the world in mad laughter.

brando18guitarplyr : If Paul and Bach would play together, i think the universe will implode then, that's probably why bach died before Paul was born.

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Fri Nov 19, 2010 12:32 pm
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